Monday, January 3, 2011

G'day Washington.

This is 'Washington'.

That is her surname. Her real name is Megan. But she's only gone and been really crazy and got us to call her by her last name like the mad bitch Duffy got us to.

She is considerably better than Duffy.

She is from Australia, or 'Oz', or 'Down Under'.

She's not as good as Kylie, but a lot better than Dannii.

She has a bit of a boyish haircut and wears those geek chic glasses so is therefore, 'current'.

She has a made a very good pop song called, 'Rich Kids'.





Above is the video for it which features one of those annoyingly trendy Skins parties that you and I would never be invited to.

It also features a load of people dancing, while Washington sings, "I don't wanna dance with you." Which I'll agree is contradictory, but also, quite clever.

She changes into a nice leotard and does a nice routine for the middle eight.

She doesn't wanna dance with you, so please do not ask her to.

She's a bit Little Boots.
She's a bit Goldfrapp.
She's a bit Ladyhawke.
She's a bit Marina, but not the Diamonds.

Overall, she's a bit brilliant.

As far as I'm aware she has no plans to come over to our side of the world an entertain us with her musical talents.

Do you think if we let them keep Brian McFadden they might send her over her in a sort of pop swap?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Is she 'Avin a laugh?

The new Avril Lavigne song has been "leaked" and as a teenager who grew up on the angsty vocals of the Canadian rocker's first album, I can't help but feel a little let down by her latest offering, 'What The Hell'.

Avril Lavigne debuted back in 2002 with her "smash-hit", 'Complicated'. At the time, the music industry was becoming slightly monotonous. With Britney releasing a cover of, 'I Love Rock N' Roll' and, thanks to likes of Eminem and Nelly, rap music was well and truly mainstream and started to feel as manufactured as, as some argued, pop was.

Although she was, and still very much is, considered a popstar, Avril offered an alternative to the norm. Snobs argued, "she plays her own instruments" and "writes her own songs", but they weren't the reasons why I liked her. Avril had an edge, and although I love my pop music in all it's forms, to me, Avril was different. Avril was special.

Christmas 2002 I received two albums in my stocking, Coldplay's depressing, 'A Rush Of Blood To The Head' and Lavigne's 'Let Go'.
To this day, other than the singles that were released off it, I couldn't name you one song from that Coldplay album. However, I could recite all the lyrics of each song from that Avril album.
'Let Go' was my first proper album. The first album where I listened to all the songs rather than just the singles. The first album I actually loved. The first album, without sounding utterly pretentious, actually made sense to me.

Avril's second album, was again another alternative pop masterpiece, darker than her first and probably not as good, it was a solid effort from a girl who was proud of being a little bit edgier than her pop rivals.

By 2007, Avril released her third album, the lead single from it was the pop anthem, 'Girlfriend'. Don't get me wrong, the track was good, but at the time it suddenly occurred to me that I, a seventeen-year old male, was no longer in Avril's target audience. That same year, I went to the Irish music festival, Oxegen, in which Avril happened to be playing. I went to see her, and was not let down. My faith was slightly restored as she played the songs I once loved her for.

2011 brought new hope for me. A new Avril album. A new chance for her to regain her position atop of my CD collection. I've just listened to the first single from her fourth album, 'Goodbye Lullaby'.


Above is the new single in question. The first lyric of that single, 'What The Hell' is, "You say that I'm messing with your head, all 'cause I was making out with your friend". Oh dear, Avril. Why'd you have to and make things so complicated?

As we reach the chorus, Avril screams, "All my life I've been good, but now, I'm thinking, what the hell?!"
As an Avril historian, I can't help but point out the clear contradictions this chorus poses on her previous body of work. Avril has never been "good", she's always been a bold, bad-ass, rebel for her legions of followers.
If however, these lyrics actually mean, "All my life I've been (a) good (musician), but now, I'm thinking what the hell (I may as well release this radio-friendly pop-rock garbage to cash in now that Pink is up the duff and will probably take a few years off)" I agree with them completely.

If I'm going to be harsh the song is, at best, a filler-track from a Miley Cyrus album.
If I'm going to be a bit nicer, it's clear that Avril and I have gone in different directions.

I realise for me to enjoy Avril's new stuff I have stop looking at her as the legend I once viewed her as, and take her as a popstar, who isn't as good as Pink, but probably a little better than Pixie Lott.

If 'Girlfriend' was our separation, 'What The Hell' is well and truly our divorce.

Thank you Avril, it was fun while it lasted but now I must, wait for it, 'Let Go'.


5/10

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Do you have a license to drive that piano, love?

While listening to Cheryl Cole's below-average new album, 'Messy Little Raindrops', over the weekend....



....I came across this pretty average song called, 'Waiting'....


....in which she has sampled a remarkably above-average song.

Vanessa Carlton's 'A Thousand Miles' has probably been long forgotten about by a lot of you which is a real shame because it is definitely one of the top two hundred songs of the Noughties. Unfortunately for Vanessa she was never able to capitalise on her first single and, unless she makes an epic comeback with an equally amazing song to her first, she will forever be categorised in the one-hit wonder section of our pop memories.

Until then, sit back, relax and enjoy Vanessa and her travelling piano play one of the greatest piano riffs ever to feature on a pop record. Ever.


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Have you ever heard of Matt Costa?


The song I've  chosen to featured today is by an American chap called, Matt Costa.

Matt has released quite a few albums over the last few years but has never properly had a "breakthrough". Which is a shame considering, as far as solo male popstars go, Matt should be ranked pretty high.

His album, 'Unfamiliar Faces', is still in my CD collection and when I first got it back in 2008, it stayed in my CD player for approximately two weeks, which is actually quite a long time.

The track you're about to listen to is called, 'Mr. Pitiful' an it's one of those tunes that can kinda make you either feel happy or sad depending on your mood.

Above all else it's just a nice song and, although it verges into what some may consider easy-listening territory, it should have been a lot more successful then it turned out to be.



Monday, November 8, 2010

Single of the Week, 'Take Over Control'

It's the New Music Monday Single Of The Week!

Today I'm gonna look at a song that isn't old but is in fact new. 

Technically the song I've chosen isn't really that new. It's been a major hit "in da clubz" in Ibiza over the last year and has only reached our shores lately. But thank God it's finally got here.

It is called, 'Take Over Control' and is by a DJ man by the name of Afrojack.

It's one of those "ultimate Summer songs" that make you feel happy, so releasing it in November is brilliant because, let's face it, in the cold dreary Winter months an "ultimate Summer song" is sometimes exactly what you need.

The singer featured on the track is the Rihanna/Willow Smith-esque, Eva Simons. When I say Rihanna/Willow Smith-esque, I am of course referring to the fact she is black, has hair that defies gravity and sings extremely good pop songs.

The song itself is about Eva asking us to, "Take Over Control", not "Take A Birth Control" as my cousin incorrectly suggested.

She also utters the immortal words, "Plug It In And Turn Me On". I can only assume she is ironically referring to herself as some sort of electronic device. Otherwise, I have no other explanation for that lyric.

The best bit in the whole track happens between 1:00 and 1:16.

I urge you to listen to this every day for the next week. Your life will be better for it.


9/10

The pros and cons of the new Black Eyed Peas' single



It's New Music Monday. The day God made for us all to listen to new music. Hurrah.

The new Black Eyed Peas single is out sooner than any of you could have ever imagined. 
Here are the pros (good things) and the cons (bad things) about the track.


CON: It's called, 'The Time'.


PRO: The lyrics have nothing to do with watches, clocks or time-telling in general.

CON: DJs across the nation may get confused when you go up to their DJ boxes and ask, "Have you got 'The Time'?"

PRO: It samples the Dirty Dancing, end-of-the-night, classic, '(I've Had) The Time Of My Life'.

CON: They don't sound like they've taken much of a departure from their last album.

PRO: They don't sound like they've taken much of a departure from their last album. (I realise I'm repeating myself but lets face it their last album was pretty ruddy good.)

CON: It's odd to me, to have such a well known sample as their lead single from the album.

PRO: At least you already know the words to it.

CON: It's not as catchy as 'I Gotta Feeling' or 'Boom Boom Pow'.

PRO: At least the X Factor contestants won't be miming it in a group performance.

CON: Worst bit is when Apl D does a Ke$ha and rhymes 'swagger' with 'Mick Jagger'.


PRO: Best bit is when will.i.am says, "Dirty Bit" and the beat properly kicks in. Which can be heard around the 1:00 and 2:40 minute mark.


CON: Upon first listen you may be left feeling slightly underwhelmed.

PRO: It is, as they say, a "grower".


6.5/10

Sunday, November 7, 2010

EMAmazing

The 2010 Europe Music Awards, or the EMA's if you're a fan of acronyms, take place tonight in Madrid and can be watched live on MTV at 9pm (AKA just after the X-Factor results: Amazing).

With performances from the current-UK-number-one-single-holding Rihanna, who is celebrating the one week anniversary of her monumental food fight performance on X-Factor. As well as the still-trying-to-be-a-popstar-despite-not-making-very-good-pop-music, Miley Cyrus and B.o.B. feat. Hayley Williams performing their terribly-underplayed-oh-wait-I'm-being-sarcastic-track, 'Airplanes'. With all this, and the ridiculously-doable Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria-Parker hosting, it'll surely be something to keep our eyes and ears entertained on this miserable Sunday night.

In this blog, if you don't mind, I'll take a look at the most important of the EMA categories (some categories I don't understand, eg. 'Best Push Act') that will be handed out tonight, and give my humble opinion on who should be the victors.

BEST MALE
  • Eminem
  • Enrique Iglesias
  • Justin Bieber
  • Kanye West
  • Usher
Eminem has by far had the best year sales-wise, and in general music-making-wise, so I think it'd be a real shame if he didn't pick up this award, although I wouldn't be surprised if Usher nabbed it. Kanye is an odd nominee in this category as he hasn't actually released his new album yet. Justin is too young and Enrique is just a filler.
Who SHOULD win: Eminem.
Who PROBABLY WILL win: Eminem.


BEST FEMALE
  • Katy Perry
  • Lady Gaga
  • Miley Cyrus
  • Rihanna
  • Shakira
Over all, Lady Gaga, is the best female artist possibly of all time. But as this nomination comes off the back of her 2009 album(s), and due to the fact she isn't actually attending the ceremony, my money is on Katy, RiRi or Miley.
All three have had reasonably good years, but if I'm pressed for an answer I'd go with the California Gurl and two-time former EMA host. P.S. Thanks for coming, Shakira.
Who SHOULD win: Lady Gaga.
Who PROBABLY WILL win: Katy Perry.


BEST NEW ACT
  • B.o.B.
  • Jason DeRulo
  • Justin Bieber
  • Ke$ha
  • Plan B
2010 has been a great year for new music. We've seen so many new artists emerge, that this category could have been the most hotly contested. I say could because there is of course that untold rule that everyone knows which takes place at award ceremonies: "If you don't turn up, you probably haven't got a chance of winning". So on those grounds we can pretty much rule out, my two favourites, Jason and Ke$ha. :(
The awards are public voted so it's quite likely that a lot of pre-pubescent teens suffering from a condition known as Bieber-fever may get their way.
Who SHOULD win: Ke$ha.
Who PROBABLY WILL win: Justin Bieber.


BEST POP
  • Katy Perry
  • Lady Gaga
  • Miley Cyrus
  • Rihanna
  • Usher
Some of these are debatable 'Pop' nominees. Again Gaga isn't there so I can't see them giving her more than one award she can't physically get a hold of. For me it's between the other three ladies, and since I have Katy down for Best Female, I think the EMA Lords may bestow this honour on a certain Disney whore princess.
Who SHOULD win: Lady Gaga.
Who PROBABLY WILL win: Miley Cyrus.


BEST ALTERNATIVE
  • Arcade Fire
  • Gorillaz
  • The Gossip
  • Paramore
  • Vampire Weekend
Does anyone really care who wins this award? Probably not. Generally considered the 'cool music' award by dickheads, Best Alternative, features some of the adequate best pop-rock artists of the year.
As she is performing with B.o.B. and, as far as I'm aware is the only nominee in this category who is actually atteneding, Paramore's Hayley Williams will more than likely be taking this one home for her team. Probably, deservingly so.
Who SHOULD win: Paramore.
Who PROBABLY WILL win: Paramore.


BEST SONG
  • Eminem feat. Rihanna, 'Love The Way You Lie'.
  • Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg, 'California Gurls'.
  • Lady Gaga, 'Bad Romance'.
  • Rihanna, 'Rude Boy'.
  • Usher feat. will.i.am, 'OMG'.
It's kind of a travesty that Lady Gaga may not win this award as 'Bad Romance' is, without a shadow of a doubt, the best pop record ever recorded.
If she is indeed robbed, I think that they'll give it to one of the two Rihanna-nominated songs, considering she is of course attending.
'Love The Way You Lie' is probably a better overall song, but it might be a rude to give her an award that is basically Eminem's. Failing that, Perry might nick this one, although I think 'Teenage Dream' would have been a better contender.
Who SHOULD win: Lady Gaga, 'Bad Romance'.
Who PROBABLY WILL win: Rihanna, 'Rude Boy'.


BEST VIDEO
  • 30 Secons To Mars, 'Kings And Queens'.
  • Eminem feat. Rihanna, 'Love The Way You Lie'.
  • Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg, 'California Gurls'.
  • Lady Gaga feat. Beyoncé, 'Telephone'.
  • Plan B, 'Prayin''.
I don't think they can ignore Lady Gaga the whole night so I think if they're gonna five her any award it may just be this one. As I'm sure you are all aware 'Telephone' is a visual treat and is probably one the best videos of all time, plus it has Beyoncé, what more could we ask for?
Eminem and Rihanna's video has Megan Fox and the bloke out of 'Lost' in it but, while being very good video, it isn't as good as 'Telephone'.
Katy looks delicious in her candy-inspired video and has had a brilliant year but, again, 'California Gurls' isn't as good as 'Telephone'.
I've never seen Plan B's or Jared Leto's band's videos but I can categorically say they are not better than 'Telephone'.
Who SHOULD win: Lady Gaga feat. Beyoncé, 'Telephone'.
Who PROBABLY WILL win: Lady Gaga feat. Beyoncé, 'Telephone'.

So there you have it, there is my predictions for tonight's proceedings. Hopefully I'm right so I can gloat later on.
I know all of you have opinions too and, although they may not be as correct as mine, I encourage you to share. So post below who you think is gonna win each category and who you're looking forward to seeing perform.

Until then, let's sit back and enjoy the best video of the year, all 9 minutes and thirty-two seconds of it.