G'day Washington.

This is 'Washington'.

That is her surname. Her real name is Megan. But she's only gone and been really crazy and got us to call her by her last name like the mad bitch Duffy got us to.

She is considerably better than Duffy.

She is from Australia, or 'Oz', or 'Down Under'.

She's not as good as Kylie, but a lot better than Dannii.

She has a bit of a boyish haircut and wears those geek chic glasses so is therefore, 'current'.

She has a made a very good pop song called, 'Rich Kids'.

Above is the video for it which features one of those annoyingly trendy Skins parties that you and I would never be invited to.

It also features a load of people dancing, while Washington sings, "I don't wanna dance with you." Which I'll agree is contradictory, but also, quite clever.

She changes into a nice leotard and does a nice routine for the middle eight.

She doesn't wanna dance with you, so please do not ask her to.

She's a bit Little Boots.

She's a bit Goldfrapp.

She's a bit Ladyhawke.

She's a bit Marina, but not the Diamonds.

Overall, she's a bit brilliant.

As far as I'm aware she has no plans to come over to our side of the world an entertain us with her musical talents.

Do you think if we let them keep Brian McFadden they might send her over her in a sort of pop swap?

Is she 'Avin a laugh?

The new Avril Lavigne song has been "leaked" and as a teenager who grew up on the angsty vocals of the Canadian rocker's first album, I can't help but feel a little let down by her latest offering, 'What The Hell'.

Avril Lavigne debuted back in 2002 with her "smash-hit", 'Complicated'. At the time, the music industry was becoming slightly monotonous. With Britney releasing a cover of, 'I Love Rock N' Roll' and, thanks to likes of Eminem and Nelly, rap music was well and truly mainstream and started to feel as manufactured as, as some argued, pop was.

Although she was, and still very much is, considered a popstar, Avril offered an alternative to the norm. Snobs argued, "she plays her own instruments" and "writes her own songs", but they weren't the reasons why I liked her. Avril had an edge, and although I love my pop music in all it's forms, to me, Avril was different. Avril was special.

Christmas 2002 I received two albums in my stocking, Coldplay's depressing, 'A Rush Of Blood To The Head' and Lavigne's 'Let Go'.

To this day, other than the singles that were released off it, I couldn't name you one song from that Coldplay album. However, I could recite all the lyrics of each song from that Avril album.

'Let Go' was my first proper album. The first album where I listened to all the songs rather than just the singles. The first album I actually loved. The first album, without sounding utterly pretentious, actually made sense to me.

Avril's second album, was again another alternative pop masterpiece, darker than her first and probably not as good, it was a solid effort from a girl who was proud of being a little bit edgier than her pop rivals.

By 2007, Avril released her third album, the lead single from it was the pop anthem, 'Girlfriend'. Don't get me wrong, the track was good, but at the time it suddenly occurred to me that I, a seventeen-year old male, was no longer in Avril's target audience. That same year, I went to the Irish music festival, Oxegen, in which Avril happened to be playing. I went to see her, and was not let down. My faith was slightly restored as she played the songs I once loved her for.

2011 brought new hope for me. A new Avril album. A new chance for her to regain her position atop of my CD collection. I've just listened to the first single from her fourth album, 'Goodbye Lullaby'.

Above is the new single in question. The first lyric of that single, 'What The Hell' is, "You say that I'm messing with your head, all 'cause I was making out with your friend". Oh dear, Avril. Why'd you have to and make things so complicated?

As we reach the chorus, Avril screams, "All my life I've been good, but now, I'm thinking, what the hell?!"

As an Avril historian, I can't help but point out the clear contradictions this chorus poses on her previous body of work. Avril has never been "good", she's always been a bold, bad-ass, rebel for her legions of followers.

If however, these lyrics actually mean, "All my life I've been (a) good (musician), but now, I'm thinking what the hell (I may as well release this radio-friendly pop-rock garbage to cash in now that Pink is up the duff and will probably take a few years off)" I agree with them completely.

If I'm going to be harsh the song is, at best, a filler-track from a Miley Cyrus album.

If I'm going to be a bit nicer, it's clear that Avril and I have gone in different directions.

I realise for me to enjoy Avril's new stuff I have stop looking at her as the legend I once viewed her as, and take her as a popstar, who isn't as good as Pink, but probably a little better than Pixie Lott.

If 'Girlfriend' was our separation, 'What The Hell' is well and truly our divorce.

Thank you Avril, it was fun while it lasted but now I must, wait for it, 'Let Go'.


5/10